Sunday, 12 January 2020

Reflection

I've had huge mental and physical block with this project which prevented me from really wanting to get started. While my tutors were incredibly helpful with helping me select my texts from the library at the beginning of the module in October, I had trouble accessing them for many weeks while waiting on a sighted PA. Time was lost when the PA arrived as her reading comprehension wasn't suited to the material, she wasn't used to assisting university students (only young school children) and I received a number of strange comments from her, making me feel even further estranged from my work. With no friends in Leeds or on the course I had no one to ask and only had access to my books, finally, over the Christmas period when I met with a good friend (an impartial source who is a Masters student in London with no interest in illustration or fairytales, he is very much a postmodern conceptualist!) who very kindly spent some time with me to record some key quotes from my texts. Even with other sources that were provided to me, my motivation and my mood was low with what happened with my PA and COP felt like such an impossible mountain that I couldn't even begin to climb. The Christmas period was difficult with having a chest infection for a month and eventually needing antibiotics and having to face home where I'm a carer for my mum.

I am happy with my project proposal, essay outline, bibliography, breadth of research resources that I will explore in more detail in my own time as I am sure I will be resubmitting this module when need be (potentially June?), and the contextual research I have composed so far. The deadline has pushed me to get started properly and acquainted with my work again and I feel I have made some good progress to the start of this year - especially with my illustrations. Using strong symbols of the wolf, the moon and running Red, with the concept of her running away at the start of the zine to then be running toward the wolf, coupled with strong colours of black, red and white give this project a visual identity and some kind of end product. I will, of course, be composing my essay and will seek academic support though student welfare for additional support, comfort and some inspiration to get started and that it's okay that this has happened. I don't fear writing or COP but just lost my steam and had many barriers.

I will now continue the uphill climb in my own time!

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